August 9, 2012

Autism Hunger Games

Do you ever feel like you're being tested? Like the universe has entered you into some kind of cosmic Hunger Games that you have no choice but participate in because you lost some crappy genetic lottery?

I imagine some game creators sitting up on high, planning my demise.

"Let's discuss our latest contestant, from the Silicon Valley sector. We've thrown a lot at her. She lost her only sibling to brain cancer, and yet she still managed to get married and have kids. She seemed happy."

"I know, let's make her kid autistic."

"Already did that. What else you got?"

"Okay, well, it's not enough that he doesn't talk. He's also a runner. She'll have to watch him every second he's awake. And speaking of that, he also doesn't sleep. He'll often be manic at three in the morning."

"She's still standing. Okay, let's throw some behaviors in. Now he pulls hair. And bites. Sometimes he'll attack her completely out of nowhere. And sometimes he'll grab the dog. She's already flinching every time the kid moves around the house."

"You'll love this one. I just gave her dog cancer. Skin cancer, you know, so the dog will need to have surgery and have an enormous incision right on her hip - the exact spot the boy likes to grab. This should be fun to watch."

"Nice job."

"Oh! And those stitches, they are prone to popping open on dogs who run and jump. So she'll need to always make sure to keep -- ohmygod I'm laughing so hard I don't think I can even get the words out -- the dog calm. At all times! Who wants to bet on when she starts taking the dog's Prozac?"

Note: This is just a tongue in cheek piece meant to illustrate how chaotic things are right now. It is not meant to offend and I promise I am not going to take the dog's meds. Yet.


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