Out there

I'm a pretty social person, and leaving work to become a full time stay at home mom hasn't been easy. I joined a mom's group before Moe was even born. Moe and I had activities planned almost every day. We took music classes, Gymboree, and had lots of playdates. We went shopping and out to lunch. Even with all of this, I still got lonely at home sometimes. I thought about going back to work, but decided it wouldn't be worth it since we wanted a second child.

Then Jelly Belly was born. I couldn't do as many activities with both of them, but planned to take a music class with both kids and take Jelly to activities when Moe was in school. The other moms in my group were also having babies, and our playdates expanded to include the newborns. Moe had some delays, but he was in school and getting help. It would work.

But things have changed. Moe wasn't quite ready for school and needed more. So now we're home. We're home all the time. And though I try to keep busy with projects around the house, finishing up a needlepoint project I started years ago, learning to sew, cooking, and of course blogging, I'm bored. Do you remember the movie LA Story with Steve Martin? At one point he writes on the window: Bored Beyond Belief. Yeah, like that.

So I try to get out when I can. We're going to keep one afternoon a week open so that we can all go to a playdate. But that is tough too because I see all the ways in which Moe is so different from the other kids. And as they get older, the differences become more and more obvious. I think it is important for Moe to be around typical kids on a regular basis, but it's not easy.

Even going out with other moms is hard. I really enjoy spending time with my mommy friends, but now that the kids are turning 2 and a half, and even 3, the conversations inevitably turn to the cute things their kids did and said, the little troubles they've gotten into. I listen, and I do really enjoy hearing about these kids I've known since they were babies. But it again reminds me of what I'm missing. When the conversation turns to me, it is "How are you doing?" and "How are things progressing with Moe?" It's depressing.

I haven't yet found a local community of parents with autistic kids, and even if I did, I don't want to completely immerse myself in that world either. I long to be out and about in the "real" world as much as I can, but out there I'm reminded of everything that is so different in here.