Why I Work

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I was home with Moe for a couple years, then had Jelly right at the same time he was being diagnosed. With two small kids, and Moe's therapies as well as our eventual decision to homeschool, it made sense for me to be home full time.

After six years, I finally returned to work. It wasn't easy but it was probably the best decision I've made since the kids were born. Here are a few reasons I decided to return to work.

1. I was burned out

Moe's autism affects everything we do every day. For his safety, he requires full and constant attention. It's intense and stressful and once we started homeschooling, I felt thoroughly trapped at home. Though I have some really wonderful memories of our first few years together, I needed a break.

2. I was bored

When Moe was working with his therapists, and Jelly was in preschool, I didn't have a lot to do. It's one of the reasons I started blogging. I learned some sign language. And read a lot of autism blogs and books. But I missed the challenges of my career. I know many parents really love being at home with their kids, but I admit that maybe I'm not cut out for that much mommy-ing. Autism changed the type of stay at home parenting I could do, but that isn't the whole picture. I wanted a bit of my old life back.

3. I was scared

I still am. I'm scared of what will happen to Moe in the future. I'm scared of his ability to hurt others and himself. I'm scared of what Moe's level of need is doing to Jelly. When it comes to the battle between fight and flight, I admit that I'm more of a flyer. I needed an escape.

4. I wanted to set an example

I'm not sure how Moe felt about my going to work, but Jelly didn't love it. She still complains sometimes. But it is important to me that Jelly knows that both moms and dads can work. I grew up in a traditional household, where my dad worked and my mom stayed at home. This was great for me and my brother. But I have a fancy education and I want to use it. I want Jelly to see that women can have important and fulfilling jobs just like men. And that Jeff and I share the parenting jobs that often fall to moms (especially stay at home moms), like driving on class field trips or taking them to the pediatrician.

5. The money isn't bad either

I wanted to go back to work and was willing to do it as long as I could make it break even after paying for childcare. Fortunately, I'm able to bring in a bit more than that, which helps. And even though I make significantly less than my husband, I work for the company with amazing benefits. So I know I'm contributing to the household, which is important because raising a special needs child (who will also be a special needs adult) isn't cheap. Neither are those boots I just bought.

6. I like it

This may be the most important point. I like working. I like having interesting conversations with smart people. I like solving problems that don't involve my kids. Work is personally fulfilling and that is, in itself, enough of a reason to do it.

Working is hard. Sometimes I miss out on things. I like to think that working gives me the energy to make me a better parent, but I'm not sure that's true. I just know that I'm happier when I'm working than when I'm not.

NaBloPoMo Day 1: Halloween recap

It's November 1, day 1 of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and this year I'm not participating. It's too much for me to do right now, and I'm okay with that. I don't need to write 2,000 words a day. I don't need to write that novel right now.

But I do need to write. And so I'm going to attempt NaBloPoMo: National Blog Posting Month. One month in which I attempt to write a new blog post every day. Can I swing it? We'll see. I do have a lot to write about, though some of it will have to remain quiet for a while. Since yesterday was Halloween I'll start there.

Moe doesn't "get" Halloween, but he doesn't seem to hate it either, so every year we dress him up in a relatively comfortable costume and attempt to participate as much as he wants.

Some years are better than others. Moe's first Halloween, at 6 months old and dressed as a chili pepper (an homage to my brother, a die-hard Red Hot Chili Peppers fan), was less than amazing. We went to a large mom's group event, which was noisy and hot and, as I've said about other such things, the opposite of fun.

Following years were okay. At one, Moe enjoyed his monkey costume, and at four seemed to tolerate the m&ms costume for the school parade. At 5, the cookie monster costume worked well. And for the last 3 years, he's gotten skeleton pajamas, which work well for a brief walk around the neighborhood.

Our neighborhood is pretty active on Halloween. Since Jelly was born, we've gone out as a family. We walk to see a neighbor's haunted castle, complete with animatronic dragon out front. Then we take Moe and Jelly to trick or treat at a couple of houses, walk back home, and turn off the porch light so the dog won't spend the night barking and the kids can get some sleep.

But last year, Jeff and Moe came back after a few houses and handed out candy. Moe seemed to like that so we thought we'd try it again this year. Unfortunately, Moe had other plans. We got the kids ready but by the time we got out the door, Moe was already really over stimulated. He wouldn't walk with us and started to scratch Jeff. So they came back and Jelly and I walked the 'hood by ourselves (and a ton of other families out and about).

Jelly and I had a good time collecting candy and even venturing into one of now two haunted houses in our neighborhood. Meanwhile back at home, Moe and the dog were too wound up for trick or treaters. Jeff had to deal with a perfect storm of not one but two leaky pull-ups, spoiling the last ofthe clean pajamas. So Jelly and I came back to a really overtired Moe, with at least another hour to go until the laundry was done.

I try not to have too many expectations for holidays like Halloween. Moe doesn't understand it, so I know he doesn't feel like he's missing anything. It is really easy to get down about what we can't do as a family, or how tough even a night at home can be. I try to focus on what went right. Jeff took good care of Moe. Jelly had a good time. It was a beautiful night and Jelly's Joy costume didn't even require a sweater. The laundry did get done and the kids eventually fell asleep.

And well all got that extra hour of sleep this morning. Or not. Whatever.