November 12, 2015

Day 12: Why I still don't have a tattoo

I don't have any tattoos. I attribute this to several things:

  1. I'm kind of a chickenshit.
  2. I'm Jewish and even though I don't believe in God (now there's a good post for another day), I do have an overactive sense of guilt. Jews aren't supposed to get tattoos. (I also feel a tiny bit guilty every time I eat bacon though I've never kept kosher a day in my life.)
  3. My parents would be disappointed in me. Yes, I am over 40, have 2 kids and live 400 miles away from them. Why do you ask?
  4. Fear of making a bad choice. If I had gotten a tattoo back when I first wanted one, I'd be considering removal of a Winnie the Pooh and Piglet themed tattoo on my hip. I also definitely wanted Depeche Mode Violator and Hedwig and the Angry Inch Origin of Love tattoos. Which might have been cool. At the time anyway.
But I'm older now and while I'm still not so big on pain, I do know exactly what I'd get. I think I'd be ready to put all of the other reasons aside for this one. But the reason I want this tattoo is exactly why I haven't gotten it yet.

I have no desire to get an autism tattoo, by the way. I've seen some cool ones, but I'll leave the puzzle pieces for someone else.

This tattoo would be something to remember my brother by. Something that was between us and that would be cool even if you didn't know the meaning but that would make me think of him every time I saw it. Of course I think of Bill all the time anyway. I don't need something to remind me. But it would be something I could touch, and show, and talk about. Forever.

I don't think Bill would ever have gotten a tattoo. He wasn't especially religious, but certainly more than me. While that could have changed a lot by now, and I don't think he'd really care if I got a tattoo, it isn't something he necessarily would have done. So to have a tattoo to memorialize him poses a bit of a conflict for me. It probably shouldn't, since this is for me and he's not around to see it. But it does anyway.

1 comment:

  1. I feel this so hard!! When I posted about wanting a tattoo, i got a facebook message from a rabbi I know. AH! GUILT! Also in High School I almost got one (a star somewhere with friends i no longer spend time with and I guy I went on two dates with) and when I called my father and said 'Daddy will you still love me if I get a tattoo?' he said "nope" without missing a beat. Naturally he was kidding, but it gave me enough pause to get my butt outta there without a tattoo. I, like you, would do one for family. I totally get your pause, it makes perfect sense. I think you do what's right for you. Which is so not helpful! Also there's this website that allows you to test drive tattoos: Their work is pretty impressive. Maybe you try it out and see how you like it?


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