I dropped Moe off at school for the last day of his second week. My heart sinks when I leave him, and although I'm glad for the break, something hasn't felt quite right. It has been a difficult transition for him. Reports from his teachers at the end of every day have been consistently negative. "He had a rough day." "He seems off." Though of course it is a new placement, so they haven't really seen him on a good day. It hasn't helped that Moe has had a cold. New school, new germs.
Frankly, I haven't seen Moe on a good day in several weeks.
Moe has been aggressive lately, with increasing frequency and intensity. He scratches, bites and screams. His outbursts are brief and seem to come out of nowhere. Sometimes they are clearly frustration induced, so we need to get him a way to communicate with us. He is still so heavily prompt depended for communicating his needs. We have started the process for an intensive AAC evaluation at his new school.
Moe's behaviors have necessitated the need for a one on one aide for him at school. I was hopeful that this would help keep some consistency between his home and school programs, and help mitigate the aggressive behaviors. Yesterday was her first day with Moe. He bit her. She made sure to tell me that she had to get a tetanus shot and is on antibiotics. Of course I feel terrible. But isn't that why she's there in the first place?
I had hoped that being back in school and on a regular schedule would help. And Moe has been sleeping better, at least. But he is still lashing out at home. We are on edge whenever he is around. Jelly is afraid of him, flinching or moving away whenever he comes close. It breaks my heart, but I know it is partially my fault. I tell her "give Moe some space." I am afraid to take him anywhere. I wonder if medication would help, but I don't think we're there yet. I think Moe has learned that these behaviors get him something, and we need to figure out how to turn that around.
I feel at a loss over how to parent my boy. I am in over my head and am running out of places to turn. I am constantly on the edge of tears, and that is not helpful for anyone. Our ABA team is helpful and I want them to move in with us, but I don't think insurance would pay for that. So instead I am working on finding someone who has specific experience with aggression in non-verbal kids. That may or may not be someone from our current ABA provider. I really want Moe to be a success story, but right now I feel like we're failing him.
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